Horse walks into a bar..

microphine..

"Five Temptations...one mic. Whatever they did, they came back to the mike! Stank-ass rappers make me sick! Now, ev'rybody on the goddamned stage got a mike! Forty motherfucking people! Motherfucker, why? We can't understand what ONE of yo' asses is sayin'!" - Steve Harvey


Slaughterhouse - Microphone

Horse & Carriage..

"When from behind me, a woman of 25 uttered the dumbest thing I'd ever heard in my life ... She said, 'If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.'
I'll repeat that. I'll repeat that because that's the kind of sentence that when you hear it, your brain comes to a screeching halt. And the left hand side of the brain looks at the right hand side and goes, 'It's dark in here, and we may die.' She said, 'If it weren't for my horse...' as in, giddy up, giddy up, let's go - 'I wouldn't have spent that year in college,' a degree-granting institution.

Don't! Don't think about that sentence for more than three minutes, or blood'll shoot out your nose. The American medical profession doesn't know why we get an aneurysm. It's when a blood vessel bursts in our head for no apparent reason. There's a reason.

You're at the mall one day, and somebody over there says the dumbest thing you've ever heard and it goes in your ear. So you turn around to see if your friends heard it, cause if your friends heard it, and you can talk about what the jackass said, then it'll be gone. But your friends are over here, pretending they're gonna buy a cellular phone, and they're not gonna buy a cellular phone, because they don't even understand how the rate structure works. So you turn back, to find the person who said it, because if you can ask 'em a question like, 'WHAT THE @*#! ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?!' then it'll go away. But they're gone.
And now those words are in your head. And those words don't go away. Cause the way I see it, 7% of our brains functions all the time, because 99% of everything that happens is the same old stuff. We get it. All right. Move on. Get it. Right.

But every so often, somethin' like that happens: 'If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college.' So your brain goes, 'LET'S FIGURE IT OUT! Son of a bitch! I wonder what that's about!' I wonder, was she riding the horse to school? No, she wouldn't be riding the horse to school. Maybe it was a polo pony; she had a polo pony scholarship. Maybe she sold the horse and that's how she - she was betting on the horse! WHAT THE @*#! ?!! And then you realize that anybody who went to college would never say anything that stupid in public. And as soon as you have that thought, your eyes close and the next morning they find you dead in your bathroom."

The Landlord..

The Landlord from Will Ferrell

Hilarious shit!!

Dow Jones..

"Dow Jones" starring Common from Common

How i met your mother..

The title of the sitcom kinda threw me away the first time i heard of it. i thought it was some kind of middle age melo-drama filled with sob stories about a middle aged man's midlife crisis. so i ignored it until a little while back i watched it and i havent laghed so hard since george bush's shoe incident last month. It's very original and funny..all these other tired sitcoms dont even come close..and the funny thing is that everybody can relate to Ted, the protagonist and it wouldnt be good without Barney, the funniest of the bunch, all his scenes are just...you gotta see..


"i'm surrounded by Idiots..idiots!" - Barney

The Chain of screaming..season 3-episode 15

this is on on my top ten list of sitcoms..its a breath of fresh air..priceless!!